Another Step Forward

They finally removed the catheter tube today, three weeks after the original surgery. It’s a real step forward, and has already dramatically reduced the pain/discomfort I felt the last week or so.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t indicate an immediate return to “normal,” or the pre-surgery condition. No details, but apparently it’s unrealistic to expect that everything will suddenly return to “normal.”

The doctor informed me that although he’s happy with the amount of healing I’ve already done that healing will go on for another three weeks and I have to limit my activities accordingly.

Still, it’s a good day and I’m enjoying it. I’m even enjoying the fact that I can now start doing some easy exercises.

Playing with Photoshop

I still haven’t been able to sit in one position or concentrate fully because of the “pain,” or at least annoyance, from my recent surgery, so I’ve resorted to short breaks at the computer and reading how-to-chapters from a Photoshop book on how to create collages and montages.

Actually much of what I’ve read so far is simply a refresher for things I already “knew,” but I am having fun and one of my long-term goals is to create more collages with Photoshop.

I’m constantly amazed at how easy it is to distort “reality” with Photoshop. I’m reminded of the faked photograph showing Kerry and Jane Fonda at the same peace rally that showed up in some circles last year.

My intent is entirely different. In fact, I really have little interest in what I’m doing here, but doing it gives me some practice for what I really would like to do in the future.

Here are three photographs from last summer’s Colorado trip that shows what can be done without much effort:

This:

plus:

plus:

Equals a photo that I prefer to any of the previous ones:

While I doubt most viewers would suspect that this photograph was a composite of three different photographs, if I were really trying to deceive someone, I would have ensured that all three photos were taken at the same time of day and that the sunlight angle was the same in all three.

I’m not sure how long I’ll continue to spend hours a day learning Photoshop. If I didn’t have this catheter in, I’m sure that I would be outside taking advantage of this beautiful and unusual sunshine. I’m not exactly counting the minutes, but it will be taken out in less than 48 hours, and I’ll no longer being taken a handful of drugs both morning and night.

I’m looking forward to getting back to “normal.”

Lax’s “Mogadar’s Book” and “Voyage to Pescara”

When you read “Mogadar’s Book” and “Voyage to Pescara” in Circus Days and Night, you can begin to understand why Jack Kerouac might call Robert Lax “_one of the great original voices of our times” . Unfortunately, it’s difficult to capture the style of these two sections of Circus Days and Night in a few quotations.

“Mogadar’s Book,” though it’s not a continuous piece reads more like a single poem than a collection of poems. There are no titles in this section and though there are some obvious breaks, it’s not clear what these breaks indicate.
Though there are several brilliant passages, they often do not seem to stand well on their own, only shining in their original context.

Perhaps the closing paragraph/poem best suggests the thrust of this section:

We are wanderers in the earth, but
only a few of us in each generation
have discovered the life of charity, the
living from day to day, receiving
our gifts gratefully through grace,
and rendering them, multiplied
through grace, to the giver. That
is the meaning of your expansive, out-
ward arching gesture of the arm in
the landing; the graceful rendering,
the gratitude and giving.

For Lax, it is the circus performers, at least the best of them, who receive their “gifts gracefully through grace” and, in turn, give them back to their audience.

“Voyage to Pescara” is equally unusual, a strange mixture of journal and poetry, an Americanized haibun, as it were, that concludes with a long journal entry. In some ways, the section reminds me a lot of my favorite bloggers, blending personal events, personal reflections, and reflections on life in general. In many ways, it reminds me of Kerouac’s posthumously published some of the dharma, both in its unevenness and in it’s attempts to combine poetry and prose in a journal.

At the very least, the work allows us to see Lax’s work as a whole in a clearer light, particularly passages like this:

The performer’s entrance is the place of the most (magic) activity. It is between the world of performance and preparation.

The moment before flowering (long) after planting. A moment before the bursting of the bud; almost the moment of bursting. When the flap opens, it is the bud unfurling; the green bud of the flower. A charmed place. It is within the tent, not of it. It is intimate with the tent, but has a wide door to the backlots.

To the audience
it is the tabernacle
from which
the
awaited
enters.

For the performers
it is a place
for a moment’s
rest.

It doesn’t seem far-fetched to me to identify the circus performers with all artists, particularly writers, of course, whose sacred duty is to bring the sacraments to their audience.

I wish I’d read Circus Days and Night before, rather than after, I read Love Had a Compass because I prefer that work to this one because I’m sure reading this one would have given me a greater understanding and appreciation of Love Had a Compass.

Robert Lax’s “The Morning Stars”

Robert Lax is nearly impossible to define. About the time you think you know his style, he introduces an entirely new style or concept.

Generally, his poems I like best tend to use short lines, one word, or even less, long. They are contemplative poems that force the reader to provide much of the content of the poem.

I was a little surprised, therefore, to find that my favorite poem in the first section of Circus Days and Nights was:

THE MORNING STARS

Have you seen my circus?
Have you known such a thing?
Did you get up in the early morning and see the wagons pull into town?
Did you see them occupy the field?
Were you there when it was set up?
Did you see the cookhouse set up in dark by lantern light?
Did you see them build the fire and sit around it smoking and talking quietly?
As the first rays of dawn came, did you see them roll in blankets and go to sleep?
A little sleep until time came to
unroll the canvas, raise the tent,
draw and carry water for the men and animals;
were you there when the animals came forth,
the great lumbering elephants to drag the poles and unroll the canvas?
Were you there when the morning moved over the grasses?
Were you there when the sun looked through dark bars of clouds
at the men who slept by the cookhouse fire?
Did you see the cold morning wind nip at their blankets?
Did you see the morning star twinkle in the firmament?
Have you heard their laughter around the cookhouse fire?
When the morning stars threw down their spears and watered heaven?
Have you looked at spheres of dew on spears of grass?
Have you watched the light of a star through a world of dew?
Have you seen the morning move over the grasses?
And to each leaf the morning is present.
Were you there when we stretched out the line,
when we rolled out the sky,
when we set up the firmament?
Were you there when the morning stars
sang together
and all the sons of God shouted for joy?

These long, flowing lines with their extended parallel structure seem to have been struck directly from Whitman’s Leaves of Grass. The ritual of setting up the circus in town after town isn’t a just a job, a burden, it is a joy because it is always a celebration of God’s firmament. The circus is a microcosm standing for our world where animals and men constantly celebrate God’s universe, bringing joy to those who come to watch the celebration.

Though I don’t reallly share Lax’s romantic view of the circus, I found it impossible not to identify with many of the performers portrayed in these poems and with what Lax clearly sees as their celebration of God and God’s miracles. Of course, Lax isn’t celebrating just the circus and its performers, but, rather, is celebrating those who celebrate God in their daily work.

For Lax, it becomes clear, there is no separation between everyday existence and God, unless we make that separation ourselves.

In another poem, Lax sees the circus as bringing Eden back to the those who have lost sight of it:

By day from town to town we carry
Eden in our tents and bring its won-
ders to the children who have lost
their dream of home.

If people think they have lost Eden forever, it is not because it is not there, but because people no longer recognize it when they see it.