Moving On

Things are finally hitting high gear hear. In fact, they might well have just passed this old guy who’s struggling to keep up.

The Vancouver home closed Friday, and, with any luck at all, the Tacoma home will close on Monday and we’ll start moving in Monday afternoon. I’ve been told that closing my loan in less than 15 days through Coldwell Banker is actually rather sensational, so I guess I owe a real thank you to Jennifer Clarke who handled the loan for me at their headquarters. Communicating through email has been a real blessing for me, as it allowed me to keep a constant record of all the issues floating around.

The cell phone I recently acquired before my trip to Colorado has also proved invaluable, allowing me to keep in touch with my real estate agent here in Vancouver, and, more importantly, with Jean Ramey, my Coldwell Banker agent in Tacoma, a real blessing who has helped walk me through my real estate negotiations. Thank goodness for her patience as we sought something we could both live with in Tacoma.

I’ve had all my good-bye parties in Vancouver, even though I plan on returning regularly, but I’m still saying goodbye to my home of the last 17 years here in Vancouver, trying desperately to finish up a lot of the small projects I’ve been planning for years. We INTP’s hate to have our “plans” disturbed by reality, and I’m finding it difficult to accept that many of my plans for this home witll never come to fruition. The harsh reality seems to be that it is nearly impossible to ever truly finish anything. Unfortunately, it some ways moving reminds me of my earlier divorce. There’s simply too many feelings left over with no place to go.

I’m obviously not going to be updating this site for awhile, though how long awhile I’m not sure. Once I actually gain possession of the home I’ll try to set up an appointment to get a cable hookup for my modem, but I didn’t think I dared to do this until I actually took possession of the home. Hopefully I’ll be able to get one in by the end of the week. If so, I’ll be updating right after that because I’m going to need a poetry break from all that has been happening lately.

Besides, that’ll be my two year anniversary blogging and that would seem like an appropriate time to really get back into the swing of blogging.

Warren’s “Original Sin”

I’m beginning to realize why, besides the stress of moving, I’m having such a hard time getting into Robert Penn Warren’s early poems despite the fact I love his later poems.

Part of it is simply that I’m put off by his early style which seems to be a cross between Poe, Donne and Faulkner. The archaic, convoluted language at times seems pretentious and unnecessarily confusing. Too often the poems seem derivative and unoriginal.

Most of all, though, Penn Warren’s early themes simply don’t resonate with me. While my favorite poem in the section entitled “Eleven Poems on the Same Theme” uses simpler language than most of these early poems, it, too, focuses on the idea of sin and guilt:

Original Sin: A Short Story

Nodding, its great head rattling like a gourd,
And locks like seaweed strung on the stinking stone,
The nightmare stumbles past, and you have heard
It fumble your door before it whimpers and is gone:
It acts like the old hound that used to snuffle your door and moan.

You thought you had lost it when you left Omaha,
For it seemed connected then with your grandpa, who
Had a wen on his forehead and sat on the veranda
To finger the precious protuberance, as was his habit to do,
Which glinted in sun like rough garnet or the rich old brain bulging through.

But you met it in Harvard Yard as the historic steeple
Was confirming the midnight with its hideous racket,
And you wondered how it had come, for it stood so imbecile,
With empty hands, humble, and surely nothing in pocket:
Riding the rods, perhaps-or grandpa’s will paid the ticket.

You were almost kindly then, in your first homesickness,
As it tortured its stiff face to speak, but scarcely mewed;
Since then you have outlived all your homesickness,
But have met it in many another distempered latitude:
Oh, nothing is lost, ever lost! at last you understood.

But it never came in the quantum glare of sun
To shame you before your friends, and had nothing to do
With your public experience or private reformation:
But it thought no bed too narrow-it stood with lips askew
And shook its great head sadly like the abstract Jew.

Never met you in the lyric arsenical meadows
When children call and your heart goes stone in the bosom;
At the orchard anguish never, nor ovoid horror,
Which is furred like a peach or avid like the delicious plum.
It takes no part in your classic prudence or fondled axiom.

Not there when you exclaimed: “Hope is betrayed by
Disastrous glory of sea-capes, sun-torment of whitecaps
-There must be a new innocence for us to be stayed by.”
But there it stood, after all the timetables, all the maps,
In the crepuscular clatter of always, always, or perhaps.

You have moved often and rarely left an address,
And hear of the deaths of friends with a sly pleasure,
A sense of cleansing and hope, which blooms from distress;
But it has not died, it comes, its hand childish, unsure,
Clutching the bribe of chocolate or a toy you used to treasure.

It tries the lock; you hear, but simply drowse:
There is nothing remarkable in that sound at the door.
Later you may hear it wander the dark house
Like a mother who rises at night to seek a childhood picture;
Or it goes to the backyard and stands like an old horse cold in the pasture.

Probably what I like best about this poem in comparison to so many of the other poems is the semi-humorous treatment of the nightmare as established in the first stanza, with the nightmare being compared to an “old hound” snuffling at the narrator’s door. And rather than being totally repelled by the nightmare the author admits that “You were almost kindly then, in your first homesickness.” This is not the kind of nightmare that destroys people’s lives, but, instead, one that “hears of the death of friends with a sly pleasure.” Though it is “nothing remarkable,” this nightmare always seems there to remind us that we are all victims of “original sin.”

Perhaps the title of the poem itself suggests why I have so much of a problem identifying with these poems, for personally I’ve never believed in the concept of “Original Sin.” I still remember the outrage I felt when someone told me that a baby had to be baptized before it died or it could never attain heaven. That seemed like a totally ridiculous idea to me. No adult, even one just baptized, could ever be as innocent as a newborn babe. While novels like Lord of the Flies have made me question the validity of the concept oforiginal sin, in the end I have always rejected that concept for the idea that it is society, not human nature that is the real source of evil. Though people obviously inherit some personality traits, in the end it is their environment that determines how those traits are developed or corrupted.

Furthermore, though I can somewhat identify with reoccurring nightmares, the fact is that, despite my Vietnam experiences, I have never felt the kind of extended guilt that Warren describes in these earlier poems. It did take me several months to come to terms with Vietnam after I’d returned, and I spend many a night trying to understand what had happened and why I felt the way I did. In many ways it was a life-shattering experience. And though I still have been known to reflect on my Vietnam experiences with certain people after I’ve had a few too many beers, it is not with any great sense of guilt. It’s more, “God, I can’t imagine how I could have been that na”ve or that stupid.” Once I had time to examine what I had gone through, though, I was never again haunted by what I had done there.

I simply do not believe we inherit the sins of our forefathers, especially the sins of some mythical Adam and Eve. Perhaps if I’d been born to a wealthy family or had been born in the South the son of a son of an ex-slaveholder I would feel some of the narrator’s guilt, “for it seemed connected then with your grandpa.” Never having met a grandparent, and too poor to have inherited anything, though, it’s hard for me to identify with this kind of guilt.

It Ain’t Over ‘Til It’s Over

Although I’m continuing to try to read Robert Penn Warren’s early poetry I’m have some serious problems concentrating on them. Turns out, for me at least, it’s not a good idea to try to read poetry when I’m upset or distracted by real-life events.

And I’m more than a little of both after spending four and half hours on the phone this morning dealing with insurance companies and title companies. It’s a good thing I’m retired, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to keep up with all the phone calls, faxes, and paper shuffling that apparently comes with buying and sellling a home.

The latest Catch-022 is insurance on the new home. In order to close, I need to have a pre-paid insurance policy. That seemed fairly straightforward, as I thought I would just get my current agent to renew my policy.

You know what they say about assumptions. I found out that my previous claim on the shower leak was now going to lead to a 35% premium increase for the next three years. And since the new house is a more expensive house, the insurance was going to cost that much more.

Unhappy with that little discovery, I decided to see what my auto insurer would charge me for home coverage. If the agent can be believed, it will cost me $400 less/year than Farmers would. Unfortunately, he can’t issue me a policy without a copy of the appraisal. And, of course, the mortgage company doesn’t have the appraisal back yet. After several emails (Thanks, Comcast, for the fact that my $45/ month cable network has been up and down more times today than a yo-yo. It has been so intermittent that I haven’t been able to reply to a single email immediately after I received it) and a number of phone calls I think that I have this problem resolved, too. Unfortunately, that meant that I didn’t get any of the jobs around the house done today so I’m even further behind than when I started the day.

I’m amazed how much I let these things bother me. In fact, I think I was less upset by the announcement two years ago that I had throat cancer and needed surgery or radiation therapy immediately if I was going to survive than I am by all the hassle involved in buying a house.

This just shouldn’t be this hard. It’s not like we don’t have good credit, lots of equity in our home, and, if we really wanted, enough money in the bank and in stocks to pay for the home outright. We’re borrowing less than half the cost of the house, so there’s no way the bank, or lender, whoever that might be, could lose money on the deal unless global warming raises the sea level 1,300 feet or Mount Rainier blew its top like Mount St. Helens did a few years ago. And if those things did happen, banks would have a lot more problems than my piddling loan.

Do you think it would be any harder to borrow the money if we couldn’t afford the house?

Doing My Time

I spent much of the morning going over loan papers on the new house. It’s now clear to my why the refinancing of homes has been able to hold up the economy during the country’s latest recession. There must be millions of people involved in processing loans and transfering information back and forth.

And I think I talked to every one of them this morning, at least when I wasn’t on hold while a bright, cheery voice (at least the first four times I heard it) told me that I really didn’t need to be listening to her and that I could get off the phone and go online and discover the information I needed, which I couldn’t because if I could have I wouldn’t have been waiting on the damn phone to talk to a particular person who had sent me a letter saying that I should contact her at a particular extension, though in the end I got someone else, despite the fact that I had dialed her extension, along with an incomprehensible string of numbers. [If you’re still with me, that sentence probably accurately conveys some of the aggravation and confusion I felt while waiting for the rather simple answer to my question.]

Since I’m finding it imperative to take some mental breaks from all the details involved in my move, I’ve been trying to read some early Robert Penn Warren, but it’s not easy going. Now I remember how glad I am that modern poets have gone to free verse , no longer tying their ideas down to somes strict rhyme scheme. That’s not to say, though, that I still don’t love a poet that can pull off traditional poetry techniques without sounding like they’ve been tied and gagged before beginning to write.

Often, though, I find it more relaxing to simply return to familiar blogs and pick up on people’s various entries. One of my favorite’s today is Nick Piambo’s fait accompli where I found a poem entitled, I think, “7/26/76” for blog entry dated Thursday, September 4.

Reading the poem reminded me I need to spend more time reading poet’s I’ve been following online. His book entitled Theoretical Objects sounds like a book I’m going to have to purchase after I’m finally moved.

Still, free is hard to beat, so bounce over there and find out if you like the poem as much as I do.